Women having affairs vs Men having affairs
What is the first thing that crosses your mind when you hear the word "INFIDELITY"?
I asked this question in a group last year, and I asked it again in a post on FB a short while back. I took all the comments I received on both occasions, as well those I received in my messages, and I have spent the last few days going through everything again.
While the raw emotions can be felt in the words expressed, I can also see something much deeper happening. Yes, typical me, always seeking to understand on a deeper level. And I was not disappointed.
I wanted to know:
How many responses were from women?
How many responses were from men?
What did this imply?
What did the women say?
What did the men say?
And were their comments defensive, offensive, judgemental, empathetic or neutral?
I was digging deeper.
While there is a lot more I could share here, one thing has become abundantly clear to me.
It’s about PERCEPTIONS.
It’s a GUY THING! Men cheat. Men have affairs. Men have mistresses. Men do it.
Okay, calm down boys!!! I said it’s about PERCEPTIONS.
It’s as though, when you mention the word affair, many more people conjure up the image of a man cheating on a woman, than the other way around. Why is this? (I have a few theories of my own, but that’s for another day.)
So let me bust that myth right now. Women have affairs. Fact!
And the big difference between men who have affairs and women who have affairs, is the way they are treated and viewed after the affair is revealed.
If I could write about all the ugly stories I have heard from my female friends and clients, it would have to be a series of books. Everybody is out to shame them and attack them, and even two therapists I know, have told me that they have a hard time getting their head around the fact that it was the wife that cheated.
I am not saying I condone affairs. They are a part of life. We need to understand more about them before making our judgements and casting people out.
And it is for these reasons, that my current content and programs focus on women who have had affairs, and women who have been mistresses.
I want them to know that they are not alone, and that there really IS someone out there who gives a shit about them. And if nobody else wants to do it, I will be their voice.