Why is it so damn hard to say NO

No-vember! It’s a time to say no to the things that steal your energy, attention and time, and to say yes to the things that light you up, make you feel energized and joyful.

If you have to weigh up between feeling irritated, resentful, and tired vs feeling calm, joyful and light, why is it so damn hard to say NO?

Supercalafragalisticespialadocious – now THAT is a fucking long word!
And if THAT was the word we had to use to indicate that we did not want to do or say something, then MAYBE I could understand!

But it’s not. It’s two letters. It’s one syllable.
You can even say it without moving your lips!
I see you testing my theory!
Tell me I am wrong and that you didn’t just try and say “no” without moving your lips.

So if saying “no” can actually give you good feelings for yourself, and if it’s a short and easy word to spell and utter, and if you don’t even have to move your lips to say “no”, then why the fuck is it so hard?

And when we are wanting to say “no”, why do we try to find a reason or an excuse for saying “no”?
I hear things all the time, like:
“Shame, I will tell him I can’t because I have to…”
“I will tell him I am not feeling well, so I won’t be able to…”
And a million other reasons and excuses.

Don’t confuse this with a time when there is a legitimate reason when you really can’t do something.

I’m talking about the way we try to FILL THE VOID that comes after a solid “no”.

And on the other side, when people are told “no” they actually expect a reason! WTF?!!!
“Why?” “Why don’t you want to?” “What’s your lame excuse?” “Why can’t you?”

For the record, when someone tells me no, I say ok. End of story.
I literally put my hand up and stop them from carrying on with a reason and say:
“You don’t need to explain yourself. You said no. I’m cool with that.”

Likewise, when I tell someone “no” and they ask me why, my standard response is:
“I don’t need a reason. I said no, it’s as simple as that.”
It pisses people off at first, but they eventually get used to it!

And NO I wasn’t always like this.
I care deeply about people, and I don’t like hurting their feelings or letting them down.
But there comes a time when you realize that all the yeses are slowly killing you inside.
That not being able to say no has created situations that I never wanted to end up in, but I did.
So I had to consciously train myself to graciously say no, when I wanted to say no.

And YES occasionally there are times I feel the need to give a reason for my NO.
But then I catch myself. I have worked hard on this, so why must I let it slip now?

NO means NO.
It is as simple and as difficult as that!

Sending love and light as always,
Annie