Little White Lies

It's funny how, one doesn't notice things at first.
It creeps in slowly.
A little white lie to start with. Who could it possibly harm?

And it's amazing how one doesn't realize just how much our childhood affects us, until we reach a point in our lives, and do some serious introspection, which I have been doing.

I do not give my trust to people easily.
You have to show me that I can trust you.
I need to believe I can trust you.
I take trust and lack of trust and little white lies very seriously.
If you can lie to me about a small thing, what else are you hiding?

I know that when I tell someone, you can trust me, you can 100% trust me. When I tell you I am confidential, I am 100% confidential.
When you are lying to me, I 100% know you are doing it!

Maybe that is why I ended up being a mentor to so many. Maybe that's why I am a person that people talk to and share what's on their hearts and minds. They know it will stay there.

I know many people who will argue with me (and they have) and tell me that they trust others, until they are given a reason not to trust that someone.

So what is it that could have made me like this?
Well the answer didn't come easily to me, and I am still digging deeper to understand more, but I have realized this so far...

I learned this lesson as a young girl, over and over again.

BACK IN my day...
There were no cellphones, or caller ID.
We had a landline, and when it rang, we would all race through the house, to be the first to answer the phone.

Everyone, except my father.

He was a pilot, and when he had a day off, he would have a few drinks, and chill. He did not want to be called at short notice to go and fly, nor did he want to chat to ANYONE really.

So he would sit there, next to the phone, and let it ring until one of us came scampering through to answer it. And before we could answer, he would look you in the eyes, wag his finger, and say:

"I AM NOT HERE."

What the fuck dude! Of course you are here!
I am looking right at you!

Imagine a little girl, picking up the phone, the person on the other end is asking to speak to her father, who is sitting right there in front of her, staring into her eyes, wagging his finger, mouthing the word "NO", and she has to tell the person on the phone that her daddy is not here.

Yes, I was taught about the little white lie, by my father.
I was told a little white lie is okay.
A little white lie won't hurt anyone.

So isn't it interesting that years later in my teens, after many little white lies, it was ME, who slowly ambled to answer the ringing phone, and my unsuspecting father (who thought he was home alone) had already answered the phone, and was talking so sweetly and so sexy to someone on the other end of the line.

BUSTED!!! And he knew it! No fucking lie was going to get him out of THIS one! No sir! Not with ME!

This was not his first affair. I knew the signs...

So yeah! I have trust issues. I have my own history of following my father's pathetic fucking example. That's another story for another day!

WOW Annie! Where the fuck did THAT vent come from???

After THAT little release of steam, I am feeling a little lighter.

So, after gathering myself, my message for today is this.

KNOW your boundaries.
Be clear about what you will and will not accept.
And follow through.

A boundary that is not enforced, is not a boundary at all.

Sending love and yes much light today,
Annie