Double Shame
To all the women who have ever been cheated on, who have had affairs, or who have been somebody’s mistress, this is for you.
If you feel like nobody else cares or wants to hear your side, just know that I am here, and I have been in your situation. I know how it feels.
When a woman has an affair, or becomes a mistress, she is somehow treated more harshly than her male counterparts.
When I have asked people why this is the case, I get answers like:
“It’s not the same, that’s why.”
“She’s a mother, how could she?”
“Women shouldn’t behave this way.”
“Her behaviour is a bad reflection on other women.”
“What kind of an example is she being to her children?”
Woman “behaving badly” are seen as letting their sisterhood down.
There is no empathy. There is no compassion. There is no kindness.
Nobody is willing to hear the other side of the story.
Effectively women end up carrying DOUBLE SHAME!
Shame for the behaviour, and shame for letting down the other women in their lives. It’s a double whammy!!!
They’re F%#ked! Looked down upon. Isolated. Ignored. Gossiped about. At the mercy of every self-appointed judge, jury and executioner.
And let’s not forget the woman whose husband cheated. You don’t think she is carrying shame? Ha! Think again!
Half her friends tell her she must have done something wrong, or not enough, and to stay and work harder on the marriage, think about the effect on the kids, etc. She feels ashamed, even dirty. She questions herself. Doubts herself.
The other half tell her to leave him, and if she doesn’t she’s stupid. In this day and age, where divorce is so easy, women who choose to stay with their partner after an affair are almost frowned upon. What’s wrong with her? Is she crazy? She is also shamed for her choice. She is seen as less of a woman for not chasing him away.
Yes, this woman is damned if she does, and she is damned if she doesn’t.
And in all these scenarios (the mistress, the woman who had an affair, and the wife who got cheated on) the shame runs deep and is life altering.
We all make mistakes, it’s how we deal with them that matters.
If you feel like nobody else cares or wants to hear your side, just know that I am here, and I have been in your situation. I know how it feels.
When a woman has an affair, or becomes a mistress, she is somehow treated more harshly than her male counterparts.
When I have asked people why this is the case, I get answers like:
“It’s not the same, that’s why.”
“She’s a mother, how could she?”
“Women shouldn’t behave this way.”
“Her behaviour is a bad reflection on other women.”
“What kind of an example is she being to her children?”
Woman “behaving badly” are seen as letting their sisterhood down.
There is no empathy. There is no compassion. There is no kindness.
Nobody is willing to hear the other side of the story.
Effectively women end up carrying DOUBLE SHAME!
Shame for the behaviour, and shame for letting down the other women in their lives. It’s a double whammy!!!
They’re F%#ked! Looked down upon. Isolated. Ignored. Gossiped about. At the mercy of every self-appointed judge, jury and executioner.
And let’s not forget the woman whose husband cheated. You don’t think she is carrying shame? Ha! Think again!
Half her friends tell her she must have done something wrong, or not enough, and to stay and work harder on the marriage, think about the effect on the kids, etc. She feels ashamed, even dirty. She questions herself. Doubts herself.
The other half tell her to leave him, and if she doesn’t she’s stupid. In this day and age, where divorce is so easy, women who choose to stay with their partner after an affair are almost frowned upon. What’s wrong with her? Is she crazy? She is also shamed for her choice. She is seen as less of a woman for not chasing him away.
Yes, this woman is damned if she does, and she is damned if she doesn’t.
And in all these scenarios (the mistress, the woman who had an affair, and the wife who got cheated on) the shame runs deep and is life altering.
We all make mistakes, it’s how we deal with them that matters.