SHAME - Part 2

The problem with shame, is that it lingers like a shadow in the dark, waiting to pounce on her at every turn.

 That little monster inside her head.

 And at the time, she didn’t realise, that the more silent she stayed, the more the shame she was drawing towards herself. She was trying to keep up appearances, so the secret had to be kept.

 And the longer the secret lasted, the longer the shame hung around. Like a noose, waiting for that one final nudge, that would push her over the edge and into the abyss that was now her reality.

And when she kept silent, the rumours grew, and the shame became stronger.

 If only she could reach out. If one person could be kind.

 If only she could release the secret and shame she was carrying. Yes, if only.

 But sadly the things that allow shame to grow are exactly what she was allowing in her life: secrecy, silence and judgement.

 Oh yes, the judgement! People can be cruel and people can be quick to pass judgement. NOBODY knows what is happening inside your home, or inside your relationship, or inside your heart, and yet they all have a lot to say.

 Close friends turned their backs on her and joined in the mud-slinging.

 They all became the professors, the therapists, the relationship gurus, the detectives, the psychics.

 They all suddenly SUSPECTED something was happening.

 They all suddenly acted like they KNEW shit was gonna hit the fan.

 Why do people do that? Why do they suddenly all become experts when someone else fails or falls down? You are not in her shoes, you have no idea what is happening, and yet you have an opinion. Who the actual f%#k do you think you are?

 Sherlock F%#King Holmes. Shirley Holmes?

 And instead of speaking to her directly, or offering support, they jumped onboard the boat of persecution, and paddled away from her. She was alone, on an island made of shame and self-hatred.

And she knew, only SHE could fix herself.

 Only SHE could do the work.

 Only SHE could make the choice.

 She could try dying, or she could die trying.

 Taking her own disgusting, shameful life was NEVER an option. What would happen to the kids?

 She never really had a choice. She simply HAD TO find a way to survive.

 Her reason “to” was stronger than her reason “not to”!