SHAME - Part 1

SHAME. What a sneaky, ugly, destructive little word.

Finally standing in a place of strength again, looking back over the past decade, she could hardly fathom how it had all come to pass. How had she allowed it to go on for so long? How had she tolerated the bad treatment? How had she believed all the lies and gossip? How had she been made to turn on herself? How had she bought into the shame that had been thrust upon her? Was it thrust upon her? Was it her own doing?

Yes, it must have been. She brought this upon herself. She was to blame. She did it. Nobody else. She might have been in a dark and lonely place when she did it, but that didn’t excuse her behaviour.

Did it? Nope, no excuses! She had made her bed, now she would have to lay in it. She had hurt others. She had sullied her name. She was the only one to blame…and forever onwards, she had to go and live… in shame…

As the saying goes, “blood is thicker than water”.

So it was understandable that none of his family were willing to hear her side of the story. Worse yet, nobody even bothered to ask her. SHE had hurt him, and he was thus qualified to be judge, jury and executioner.

And my gosh he was good at execution!

He had always told her he was the black sheep of his family, and that nobody cared for him. That they were terrible people. She believed him, and as such, she never really got close to them.

So when he spun his version of events to them, how could she possibly expect any of them to speak to her, let alone ask her any questions? It was a done deal. She, and she alone, had f***ed everything up. She had put the wheels in motion to rip her little family apart. She was the cause of the business starting to fail. She was the cause of the house being sold. She was the reason for anything and everything that had ever gone wrong in the relationship.

She...She…SHE!!

She should be so ashamed of herself!

She should bury her dirty little mind in the sand!

She should realise that she is a terrible person.

A bad mother.

A despicable human being.

She should leave town because nobody would miss her…

So she did… with her head hung in SHAME… and she felt so alone…