Secrets

"To carry a secret is to play with fire.

Try to pass it on, and you risk hurting someone else.

Hold on to it… and eventually, you’ll get burned."

~Emily Thorne, Revenge

One of the things that keeps us locked in shame after an affair, is SECRECY.

There are so many mistakes that people make on a daily basis, and they are able to laugh about them, or speak openly about them.

So why is it that an affair is always shrouded in secrecy?

Why the hushed whispers when discussing it?

Let’s think about folks who have fked up and gone to prison, and

served their time. When they return to society, they know that they fked up. People know that they fked up. Family and friends know that they fked up. And often things are said like: “Yip they spent some time in prison, but they did the time and have worked on themselves, and they’re a different person now.”

There is no fking SECRET.

So why then, is an affair held in such a taboo light?

And why do people still speak in hushed tones when discussing a friend or colleague?

I can actually picture the body language as I say this.

People lean in towards each other, some try to hold a hand over their mouth, and look down, as they whisper:

“Ooh, here she comes. That’s the girl who cheated on her partner.”

“She’s the slut who had an affair.”

“He’s the chap who couldn’t keep it in his pants.”

It’s as if infidelity is a contagious disease, floating around looking for its next victim. And maybe if we whisper, infidelity won’t hear us or see us, and will pass by and not affect us.

And the secrecy feeds the rumours, feeds the shame and feeds the fear.

These secrets keep us locked in a horrible space, sometimes for months, often for years.

These secrets are used to control us, to manipulate us, and to keep us locked in shame.