Just S.T.O.P.

I would like to share a simple exercise that I use when feeling overwhelmed, or irritated, or anxious, or any number of yukky feelings.

Firstly, we need to remember that the moment a betrayal is discovered, emotions take over, and the reptilian brain kicks in. And this applies to each and every individual involved in the betrayal, no matter which part you have played in it.

It is an immediate and instinctive response, and the responses vary from person to person.

It’s that fight, flight, freeze or fawn moment!

We behave in ways we never ever imagined we would or could.
We say things that we later regret.
We don’t say the things that we later wish we had!
We tremble. We cry. We shout. We run. We chase. We hide. We scream from the rooftops.

Some lash out with ugly words. Some lash out with fists.

It is very traumatic, and the effects can last forever, if they are not dealt with properly.

Some heal quicker than others, but in all cases, it requires a concerted effort to eventually reach a level of normalcy again, and to pick up the pieces of your life.

Seemingly trivial things could become triggers, that re-traumatize you, over and over again.

It is so important to learn a few mindfulness exercises to help you through your days.

A simple, quick and effective exercise to use is: S.T.O.P.

S = Stop! Yes, just stop! Obviously not if you are in the middle of a highway, but you get the idea. Just stop whatever it is that you are doing or thinking.

T = Take a Breath. Breathe in deeply. Do this 3 times, nice and deeply. Note to self: do not exceed 3 times as this can lead to hyperventilation. But that also helps, because if you collapse, well then you become chilled out immediately.

O = Observe what is happening to you in your mind and in your body. Are you tensed up? Are you trembling? Are you ready to rip someone’s head off? Are you exhausted? Are you annoyed that you are wasting time trying to do this silly S.T.O.P. exercise?

P = Proceed with intention. Now this is the hard part. Why is intention important? Well intentions provide you with the focus you need to progress towards what you want to achieve.

The hard part about the intention, is to keep it a positive intention!!!
If your intention is to go out there and chop off heads or hunt down, or to plot a revenge plan, then please refer to step 1…Stop!

And start the exercise all over again until you get to a positive intention.

I hope this exercise is useful, and if not, maybe you at least cracked a smile for the first time in weeks.

Sending hugs your way.
Annie