You are not Alone
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
There are many sides to infidelity. It is a complicated f**k up of a situation, and one that is not looked upon lightly.
And the most common image that comes to mind, is a man cheating on his wife. In that moment, her friends rally around her, but that doesn’t last for very long. Other men start to prey on her while in her very vulnerable state, posing as well-meaning “friends” and other women start avoiding her as she is now seen as a threat. Another single woman to be wary of. She starts to feel very isolated, and filled with shame. How could she not have seen it coming? What did she do wrong? Utter turmoil.
And when a woman cheats on her partner, or becomes someone’s mistress, it’s treated VERY differently compared to a man cheating. She is SHAMED! Mistreated, and shunned.
I have my theories as to why this is a case, but that’s not for this discussion today.
Sadly when one is in a place of shame and fear and self-loathing, there is no space for healing.
It is often only with hindsight that we are able to see just where and when things started to unravel. And we start the process of questioning and reasoning.
Were we not good enough for him, that he had to look somewhere else?
OR
Why were we tempted to wander outside of our relationship?
OR
Why did we accepted being someone’s mistress.
WE do not PLAN to catch our partner with another woman.
We do not PLAN to have an affair.
We do not PLAN to meet someone, fall in love, only to discover they are already married, and then remain their secret lover for years on end.
We don’t PLAN this!
Often we don’t realize we are in the infidelity realm until it is too late.
So how DO we end up in these situations?
There are many reasons, and sadly we will never really get to the core of our f**k up, if we don’t have an opportunity to discuss what happened, or to feel our OWN emotions, or to even get inside our OWN heads.
And the reason we don’t do any of these things, is because once the affair comes to light, we are immediately on the back foot, embarrassed, hiding, running away, ashamed, afraid.
Our brain basically goes into survival mode. Our brain works overtime trying to cover our tracks. Trying to think up a story. Trying to make up some logical reason for the illogical behaviour.
And depending on how the affair ended (or didn’t end), our healing mind can take weeks, months and even years, before it kicks in and says:
“Enough now! Let’s figure out what happened here!”
And during this time, we need to remember we are not alone.
There are others who have been here as well.
Others who are feeling afraid and ashamed.
There are people who still care about us, even if we feel we don’t deserve that care.
Everyone makes mistakes. It’s how we deal with them that matters.
And a good place to start is to tell YOUR version of YOUR story.
YOUR secret. YOUR truth.
Even if it’s something you only share with ONE person.
You need to do this…
For your own sanity, and to realize…
YOU ARE NOT AS ALONE AS YOU THINK.
***
If you have reached a point where you are able to listen to your OWN thoughts, where you are able to hear your OWN voice asking the questions, trying to figure out your OWN answers, trying to move on, then I would like to invite you to join my SYouFu™ Program. An intimate 1:1 coaching program curated specifically for women who just want their lives back on track.