Run my Girlie! RUN!

“Run my Girlie! RUN!”

I can still hear her words, like it was yesterday.
“Run my Girlie! Rrrrrrun!”

And then it kicked in…

My thoughts racing…

The FEAR – “If I do this, there is no turning back!”
The DECISION – “I have to go…NOW!”
The ADRENALIN – “NOW! RUN! DON’T STOP!”
And I fucking ran for my life!

That was over 3 decades ago, and yet I can recall every single little detail of that day.

It was not the first time I had run, nor would it be my last, but this one is etched in my mind forever.

Why?
Was it because someone finally saw the hell I had been experiencing?
Was it because someone finally seemed to have my back?
Was it because the woman yelling those words, was the mother of my abuser?

These thoughts have crossed my mind, and after years of introspection, and self-blame, and shame, I have managed to change the narrative of those words.

I have learned what boundaries are, and how important they are.
I have learned to say NO, and mean it.
I have learned to walk away.
I have learned how to say YES to me.

What was once a traumatic, negative experience, attached to those words, has now become my fuel.
And I use those very words, spoken in HER voice in my mind, when I need them!

And then I run!

The only difference is, I no longer run AWAY from, I run TOWARDS.

Yes, I run TOWARDS shit, FEARLESS and FREE, shouting to myself:
“Run my Girlie! RUN!”

And it is so fucking liberating!

With love and light,
Annie