Technically single, but my heart is taken

It was only years later, in my late teens, that I started putting 2 and 2 together.

I began to realize how “NOT NORMAL” it was for dad to be bringing pretty, single women home.
I began to realize that my Mama had been living a life of hell, trying to protect us kids from it all. My Mama is the kindest, most gentle person on this earth, and probably one of the strongest women I know! She didn’t deserve all that shit!

But I digress… Where was I?

Ah yes… my perfectly normal foundation of what was acceptable in a relationship, which spilled over into adulthood.

The stage had been set. The patterns were ingrained. Grey areas were a normal part of my life. Crossing lines… what lines? Nobody ever showed me the lines. Until one day, somebody’s wife DID!

And the crap thing about that day, is that I had not done anything wrong…yet…

What I had naively been treating as a close connection with a really good (married) guy, was on the precipice of turning into a full-blown affair, and I was none the wiser, until it was too late.

Why?
What signs had I missed?
How did I not see this coming?
When did the chemistry start, that everyone else could see?
Why did I allow this to happen, when I had seen the heartache it had caused my Mama?

At the time, I didn’t have answers to any of these questions.

And I didn’t have anyone to talk to about it. (Remember dad said psychologists were for crazy people, and coaches were them folks that taught sports.)

And worst of all, I didn’t know how to stop it once the wheels were in motion!

And for years, I was technically single, but my heart had been taken by someone I could not call my own.