The FIFO Point

So that MASK that you have been wearing…

It’s slipping…

It’s not working for you any more…

So what now? What does one do?

The next best thing is to dull the pain.

To glaze our eyes so as not to see the ugliness.

To numb ourselves from the aching inside.

We each pick our own poison…

And this pattern of behavior can certainly help us and carry us along for years and years, but there eventually comes a day when we reach a frightening level of numbness, and we might be lucky enough to realise this is the point of no return.

I like to call it the F.I.F.O. point…

The Fix It, or F%#K Off point.

Sadly, the majority will head in the F.O. direction. Either by choice, or by continuing with a slippery, downward, inescapable spiral.

By the time you reach the F.I.F.O. point, nobody else can actually help you. It happens suddenly, and you are on your own.

And yip, you guessed it, I eventually reached my F.I.F.O. point. I think I was lucky enough to know it was happening, and I was swift in my decision. I somehow KNEW this was either the end or the beginning.

I couldn’t keep pretending that everything was okay, especially to myself.

I was broken inside, and I needed help.

But who do we turn to when we are the “strong ones”?

Who will take care of us when we are the “caring ones”?

Who will support us when we are the “supportive ones”?

Who would actually give a sh*t and reach out, if we are the “give a sh*t” ones?

It’s a LONELY place to find oneself.

And looking back, I am amazed by the ones who stood by my side.

I am shocked by the ones I once thought cared.

And I am equally dismayed and intrigued by the ones who clearly had no idea of how to deal with the situation.

They were like deer caught in the headlights. It was as though I was drowning, arms flailing in the air, and they perceived me to be waving!!! What the ACTUAL F%#K?!

It’s at this point that we realize we are on our own, and “they” are watching from the sidelines to see what will happen next.

So, we have to choose to sink, or to swim.

Nobody is coming to rescue us.

We are going to have to put our BIG GIRL PANTIES on, and toughen up, and show them what we are made of.

And although nobody is coming to rescue us, we certainly do not have to claw our way back, unsupported.

There are so many of us…

We just need to find each other and support each other on our journey.